Maybe You Need
to Read This Book™
Always controversial. Always
interesting. We want everyone to know that
Maybe You Need to Read This Book™.
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Every once
in a while we'll send a free copy of the International Standard Version® New Testament to the
public person who
in our judgment needs to be reading the most readable and accurate
English translation of the Bible ever produced.
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Anyone
can nominate a candidate, but
we make the final decision as to who the winner is. After all, it's
our program! Send your
nomination to us
via email
only, please.
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The awardee will usually be a person whose public
actions (as demonstrated by appropriate news headlines, evil, silly,
or just plain stupid things
they do, or other
interesting criteria) imply that the
awardee really needs to be reading his or her Bible a bit more often than
he or she is doing now. Here are some people whose names have been
suggested already:
 Saddam
Hussein (too late!)
Anna
Nicole (too late!)
Nancy
Pelosi
Congressman Ellison (a Muslim)
President Dubya
Paris
Hilton
Britney
Spears, her sibling, and her mother
Governor
Arnold
Osama
bin Laden (Do we invite Mossad or CIA to deliver it?)
A log of awardees will be posted below.
The log entry
closest to the top of the list will always be the latest entry. We've
also posted a few choice emails that we've
received about this page. Who Needs to
Read this Book?
 (Summer
2007) Lynne
Spears (right) is the mother of Britney (left) and Britney's younger sister
Lynne. Anybody who has kids like hers needs to read the Bible to find out
where she or they went wrong.
That's
especially true since Lynne has a book in the works with Thomas Nelson
Publishers, which publishes the New King James Version. Lynne's
agent is the same guy who represents the ISV for Davidson Press! Will Britney's
and Lynne's mom read her free ISV New Testament that we sent her through
her/our agent? Who's to say? But she can't
say nobody ever gave her an opportunity to read the most readable and
accurate English translation of the Bible ever produced.
 (Spring
2007) Maybe
Paris
Hilton does. Anybody facing some time in the slammer needs to read the
Bible.
So in late May,
2007 we sent Paris Hilton a copy of the ISV New Testament. We sent her a
paperback copy, since Los Angeles county jails don't allow prisoners to have
hard back books.
In our cover
letter that accompanied our gift, we reminded Ms. Hilton that the apostle
Paul spent time in prison, and redeemed his time behind bars, so to speak
(we chose the term "redeemed his time" deliberately, there!) by writing
several books of the New Testament—the ones we call today the Prison
Epistles.
Will Paris read
her free ISV New Testament? Who's to say?
But she can't
say nobody ever gave her an opportunity to read the most readable and
accurate English translation of the Bible ever produced, along with a couple
of weeks to see what God might tell her during her time away from
the public lime light....
On
28 January 2008 we received this email:
I looked through
this section and was disappointed. It is not worthy of your translation
efforts.
What is worth? The Maybe You Need to Read this Book page has nothing
to do with translation efforts expended on behalf of the ISV. It's a
marketing awareness page, not a translation page.
It is tacky at
best and does not reflect Biblical teachings on love of neighbor.
No. At best, it is accurate and reflects our desire that everybody read the
Bible. At worst, it's tacky, but I won't concede that, except if the
argument being made is by virtue of cynicism, and is being made by a cynic.
Does that describe you, Mr. [insert name of disappointed emailer here]?
The Maybe page creates a methodology whereby we can deliver a copy of
the ISV NT for the benefit of specific individuals whose public behavior
shows that they need to meet the Christ of Scripture. And you oppose this?
This is amazing to us. And then you say the Maybe page doesn't
"reflect Biblical teachings on love of neighbor"... That comment is even
more amazing. You are blind. Does one need to light a candle to see the sun?
The only way I can understand your "disappointment" is that if you think
we're being crass or insensitive. Why not just take the page at its face
value: we're offering to send a free copy of the ISV to any public figure
whose behavior indicates that they need to be reading the Bible. In light of
that posture, the real cynic is you, Mr. [insert name of disappointed emailer
here], not the webmaster who posted the Maybe page.
If we won't send a copy of the ISV NT to folks like Paris Hilton and Britney
Spears' mother, who will?
You? Not likely, I dare say.
But we did. And in Lynne Spears' case, we did it through her own literary
agent, who also happens to represent our publisher Davidson Press, and who
thanked us for the gesture. We just hope it does the woman's daughters some
good. The Lord knows they could use it.
In looking at what you've written in your email to us, I regret not also
sending a copy of the ISV to Heath Ledger in light of his frightening
portrayal of the Joker in the upcoming Dark Knight Batman film. Don't you
wish that he had had an opportunity to learn about Jesus before he died of
that heart attack last week? No? I guess you don't wish that, in light of
your attitude about the Maybe page....
The page will remain, Mr. [insert name of disappointed emailer here.] And
I'm thinking about posting this response, too.
[Three hours
later this emailer responded as follows:]
Thank you for
you quick reply. The ISV was recommended to me by a friend with a graduate
degree in Bible and experienced in Bible teaching. He showed samples of the
ISV text and was enthused by the accuracy of the translation. I was pleased
to see a modern English translation that went beyond "See Dick run." Using
directions from my friend I found the ISV web site and began visiting all
the windows. Reaching the Barns and Noble site I ordered two copies of the
New Testament thinking to order an entire Bible when available. Continuing
on through the various windows I was sorry to find the most odoriferous
window I have ever found on a "Christian" web site. I'm through. Don't
bother with a reply. It will go straight to the trash.
Wisdom is
justified of her children... We thought about it a while and then sent this
email back in response:
But we have to
reply. Since you don't need those two ISV NT's and you've have already spent
the money, please send them to the address below and we'll give them away
later this coming quarter or early next quarter. Would you like to send
along a recommendation as to which public figure maybe needs to read this
book?
The Case of the Father Who Gets it
On 14
December 2007 we received this email:
I loved this page!! Very well done. And you told the 100% truth about Islam
and its ‘god.’ Also, whoever designed this page has an excellent sense of
humour! More, please! Have a blessed day and week!
Fr. Stephen C. Donahue
Well done, good and faithful servant... Enter thou into the joy of thy
Lord...and the judgmentalism that cometh from thy fellow servants, who
murdered the prophets, who slander or libel the ISV, and..., uh, well,
that's enough of that...
The Case of the Left-Leaning
Emailer...
On 21 November
2007 we received this email:
Your snide insinuation that "President Dubya" is "evil, silly, or just plain
stupid" is the reason I will never buy an ISV. Our Lord, Who did live under
an "evil, silly, or just plain stupid" regime, nevertheless managed to
conduct Himself in public with some decorum. He knew He only had a brief
space of time to reveal God's will to the world, and concentrated on
presenting it. But you advertise God's Word with a childish,
politically-motivated insult. You may have won points with the left-leaning
segment of your readership, but the rest of us find your attempt to mix your
political agenda with the promulgation of your Bible translation
reprehensible.
Here's how we
responded...
Your snide insinuation
Hmmm. Maybe you
need to read this book... You'll see why, below...
that "President Dubya" is "evil, silly, or just plain stupid" is the reason
I will never buy an ISV.
Yes. You
definitely need to read this book. The one with the political agenda is you.
We made no snide insinuation. Not even one.
Our Lord, Who did live under an "evil, silly, or just plain stupid" regime,
nevertheless managed to conduct Himself in public with some decorum.
Really? He had
nothing to say to Herod, failing to provide even the slightest decorum to
that ruler. He called Herod "that fox," which in the cultural economy of
Israel (foxes are unclean animals) was only slightly above street language.
And he showed little decorum for Pilate, too, only answering in the briefest
of terms.
He knew He only had a brief space of time to reveal God's will to the world,
and concentrated on presenting it. But you advertise God's Word with a
childish, politically-motivated insult.
This is
nonsense. You have no idea what ISV Foundation Executive Director Dr.
William Welty's (or the Foundation's) political leanings are. His are not
democrat-oriented or left-leaning, for one thing. He's so conservative that
he suspects Ronald Reagan was a socialist...
Now as to
President Bush, he publicly stated (we've seen the video) that he worships
the same God that Muslims worship. He was confessing to worship, not the God
of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, but rather a 7th century AD desert demon named
Allah. In Islam, Allah has no son and Jesus never died for sin. This is the
god of George Bush, by his own public statements. So the man's action, "as
demonstrated by appropriate news headlines, evil, silly, or just plain
stupid things," to cite the paragraph above, warrant the nomination. If you
read the ISV NT, you'll see just how evil, silly, or just plain stupid that
news headline about Bush really was... Allah has no son. That's the truth.
But the God of Abraham does. You can read about him in the ISV New
Testament. His name Jesus appears on almost every page...
The nomination
of "President Dubya" came from a reader, by the way, not from us, and the
nickname was her own. And she confessed to being a Republican, albeit a
disappointed one. We've discarded her name and email over the years. Your
accusation that the nomination reflected a political agenda by the ISV
Foundation is just plain "evil, silly, or just plain stupid," to quote the
page. But you'll not get a free ISV from us, given your decision not to read
it... I'm still thinking about whether or not we should post your email, so
the rest of our readers to see why you've earned a free ISV but you've
declined the privilege of receiving one, since under our terms of use your
email belongs to us:
Note that all
emails are subject to being posted with or without your permission. If you
don't want to have your comments posted for all the world to see, don't send
us any correspondence by email or otherwise.
You may have won points with the left-leaning segment of your readership,
Actually, we
were only printing a nomination from a right-leaning segment of our
readership. We don't care about points from left-leaning readers. Or
right-leaning ones, for that matter, which I presume includes you.
but the rest of us
We'll just call
you a "non-left-leaning reader". Or maybe not a reader, come to think of it,
since you won't be reading the ISV because you falsely think the nomination
came from us. And let's make that a singular pronoun. There is no "rest of
us". There's only you: You're the only person who has observed the insult.
You are narrow-minded in your letter to us. And your actions are, to use the
term on our page, "silly".
find your
attempt to mix your political agenda with the promulgation of your Bible
translation reprehensible.
It wasn't Dr.
Welty's (or even the ISV Foundation's) political agenda. It was that of an
ISV reader, like you ought to be, except she's a disappointed Republican. So
lighten up, woman. As noted above, maybe you need to read this book... At
the very least, please stop the hate-filled rant. We've received nicer
comments about the ISV from the left, come to think of it...
The Case of the Flippant
Emailer...
On
30 April 2007 we received this email:
Actually, I'm just wondering about the "spirit" of this contest - more
precisely, the judgmental attitude it may be promoting. Personally, I feel
the "too late!" comments, placed after the deceased nominees' names, a
little flippant. Rather than pointing our fingers at those hurting souls
around us, perhaps WE NEED TO READ THIS BOOK a little more, and see what it
says about US reaching the lost. Okay! There it is! That's my nomination!
Well now, so you think we're "a little flippant", do you? And that we "may"
be promoting a judgmental attitude?
No, Mr. [insert name of judgmental emailer here...]. You're the judgmental
one.
Was Elijah judgmental to mock the false prophets of Baal? Was John the
Baptist judgmental to rebuke Herod on account of his brother Philip's wife?
Or Daniel to rebuke Nebuchadnezzar, reminding him in Daniel 4 that he'd
better change his ways or the judgment of God was bound to fall? Or Jesus to
rebuke the Pharisees? Or Jesus to remind everybody that the folk killed by
the tower weren't worse sinners than were his present hearers?
By your reckoning, the answer to these questions has to be a "Yes!"
But the correct answer is "No, they weren't judgmental. They were merely
being right. It's too late for Saddam Hussein. He sowed God's judgment and
reaped it. We have no apologies for saying it's too late for him. Same thing
for Anna Nicole Smith. Now as to Britney, she really needs to read
God's book. She once went forward at a revival meeting with her mother. Like
gospel seed planted where the things of the world choked the word, she's
caught up in the spirit of the age, along with her partners in debauchery
Hilton and Lohan. She really needs to read this book.
My answer to you, to sum up, is to remind you what John McCain recently said
when people criticized him for making a joke about what to do about the
threat of nuclear bomb making capability coming to Iran: He sang softly
"Bomb, bomb, bomb, Bomb, bomb Iran..." to the tune of the Beach Boys' song
"Barbara Ann". When the press criticized him, he responded, "Lighten up! Get
a life!" I invite you, in the spirit of flippancy that you assumed that we
have, to go thou and do likewise.
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